From the home office near Albany, NY: Things that totally suck about being 41. Happy Birthday to Me!
10. Hair ceases to grow in places you want it and starts to grow in places you never realized could grow it.
9. Your body hurts all day from the strenuous exercise of getting out of bed.
8. You can’t trust farts anymore.
7. You find yourself reading hair dye labels at the store to see if it works on greying body hair.
6. You have to find another Ophthalmologist because you threatened to murder your current one because he mentioned the word “bifocals.”
5. All the good movies and television shows you watched as a kid are getting remade, terribly.
4. If you don’t start the day eating fiber then the rest of the day is shot.
3. Most of the people your age look old, until you glance in the mirror and realize so do you.
2. You learn to enjoy the simple things in life, like desperately looking for your car keys and glasses, when they are already in your pocket and on your head.
1. At 41, when you say something like, “My wife and I are going to watch Netflix and chill” it makes you sound old and gross.